The Essence of 2000 Trees (The Drunk One)

Festival reviews are difficult. They always end up being too long, too dry and not representing what the festival is really like, so this time I tried to capture the real essence of 2000 Trees by just making notes of silliness and taking pictures all weekend. If you think, probably with good reason, that this is stupid and you want a real review, click here. I tried to tidy up the more incoherent spelling mistakes, but left in some that I thought were funny. Enjoy and please know that I am sorry.

Thursday, 10:30am: Smart.


Thursday, 11:30am: Train beers are the third best kind of beer.

Thursday, 2pm: Camp Blair


Thursday, 3pm: It’s so beautiful!


Thursday, 4:30pm: I’m so happy for Ben Marwood. Just a lovel,y ,lovely man

Thursday, 7:30pm: Beans on Toast really comes into his own at festivals. Makes sense as he started doing music so he could play at festivals pretty much.


Thursday, 7:35pm: I should start music so I can play at festivals.

Friday, 12am: Someone stole our Camp Blair flag. Mad. Very mad,.

Friday, 9am: woke up with two feelings. 1: instant fury at the flag, 2: I think I did a bad wee, but from tent examinations I'm pretty sure I didn't do the bad wee here

Friday, 9:15am: This reminds me of when Rob did a wee in our shared sleeping bag at Groezrock a few years ago. Although that bad wee was a wee I didn't know I didn't know about until he told me a year later, it was an unknown Unknown. This bad wee is the known Unknown. Now I know how Blair felt when he invaded Iraq. Note to self: Bad Wee would be a good name for a song or something. Tony Blair and the Bad Wee.

Friday, 9:30am: Can only assume the Bad Wee was in someone else's camp. I'm very sorry.

Friday, 10.30am: Still angry about the flag. I blame the PLP. But I have to move on.


Friday, 12:30pm: I went to do my Brawlers interview. Stood around for a bit and couldn’t spot anyone. Interview isn’t for another hour.

Friday, 1:45pm: Brawlers interview went okay I think… [EDITORS NOTE: Cannot remember it now, I very much doubt it was okay and haven't mustered up the courgage to check yet]

Friday, 2pm: Muncie Girls!


Friday, 3.30pm: Brawlers threw beer at us and did some spitting. I really like Brawlers.

Friday, 5pm: Smith Street are everything.


Friday, 7pm: 2 More Muncie Girls!


Friday, 8.30pm: Idles are terrifying but awesome.

Friday, 8.45pm: "Whether you’re a loony lefty or Tory cunt, tonight we can put that aside and all come together... by fighting". Holy shit i love idles

Friday, 9.30pm: brb gonna steal the idea for a hole to do a shit in


Friday, 11pm: Twin Atlantic aren’t v good anymore, but it's nice to see them on a main stage considering a few years ago they were in a tiny bar in Cardiff.

Friday, 11.30pm: Laurence drank a bag of wine and did a throw up, bounced back like a champ tho.


Saturday, 1:30am: Falg gone again

Saturday, 9am: ‘Falg’ wasn’t actually stolen, it had actually just been knocked down and was like a foot to the left. I am an idiot.


Saturday, 10:30am: Rhys got back at 7am and his tent is all broken. We asked him where he was; "… I was talking to a lesbian for a bit."


Saturday, 11am: We just bought some ice and made a fishbowl full of Bloody Mary with tobasco and everything. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It needs to be protected.


Saturday, 12.30pm: St Pierre Snake Invasion threw a bottle of Whiskey into the crowd. They’re a bit good.


Saturday, 1pm: R.I.P. Bloody Mary.

Saturday, 2pm: HECK were mad. New fishbowl, Life’s A Peach. It’s peach schnapps, rum, vodka and there’s an apple mashed up in it. Are we bad people?


Saturday, 3:30pm: CREEPER.

Saturday, 4pm: We’ve made an Umbongo Bong in the fishbowl. Rum, Vodka, Umbongo and a lemon that’s been cut up with the lid from a bean tin. I'm beginning to think we may be bad people.


Saturday, 4.30pm: Brexit Britain.


Saturday, 4.45pm: Brexit Britain.


Saturday, 5pm: Brexit Britain.


Saturday, 5.30pm: Doing a protest of The King Blues because itch is an abusive cunt, no one else is really doing one and I thought they were going to. Fingers crossed it pisses off itch, like he can't stop looking at it from the corner of his eye.


Saturday, 5:45pm: Few people have said they liked the sign and don’t like itch but are still just at the show.

Saturday, 6pm: Home improvements. Thinking of the resale value;


Saturday, 7-11pm: [EDITORS NOTE: This bit is all gibberish. If this was Fear and Loathing, this is the bit of where it really descends and the transcript gets ruined and Hunter and the Attorney are in the fast food place asking about the American Dream. This isn't Fear and Loathing though, and it's Cheltenham not Vegas, so I assume what happened is we listened to some grime instrumentals, yelled at each other and maybe did a little bit of throw up in a bush.]



Sunday, 12am: flag gone. Sad.

Sunday, 1am: Miley Cyrus on speaker and Jager Bomb fish bowl. This is why we can’t have nice things.



Sunday, 8.30am: Bloody Mary, Mark, 2! Feeling better again.


Sunday, 9am: OMICAMP PERSEI 8 is actually gone, but we found Camp Blair in nearby Camp Trash. I’m going to put it up on my wall.


Sunday, 10am: Had to leave the last little bit Bloody Mary at the coach. Someone take good care of her like she took care of us.

Sunday, 12pm: double chocolate magnum and a pasty. The order of which implies madness according to Bryony.

Sunday, 12:30pm: Dr Wilson, please report to the Banter Ward. Dr Wilson to the Banter Ward.


Sunday, 3.30pm: Going straight to another Smith Street Band show. It feels very important that I do this right now.




Monday, 10am: I had three dreams. One I got stabbed, one I got fired from all my jobs, one I was homeless... seems about right.

LiveTom GaneComment